What am I doing?

While Ansen was out of town last week/weekend, the girls had a "sleepover" in our room and by the second night Drew was in on it too.  On Saturday night, after a long, long week where almost every 15 minutes was scheduled I came in and saw my three precious children sleeping spawled all over my bed and I stood there for a second wondering . . . 

What am I doing?  I have three children and I actually have no idea what I'm doing. 

I realized that I'm not completely clueless about motherhood.  Afterall I have my own Mother that I've watched for 31 years and she's been amazing.  Probably 75% of what I do as a Mother, is the same as what my Mom did/does.  She was probably better at it though.  I don't remember nearly enough details (I wish I did) of how she did it, but I do remember she was always there and she still is.  Somehow she lets us figure it out on our own, but is there standing in the wings and comes through when we need it.

I have the gospel and I think that I always forget how much direction that I have from that.  I know what my ultimate responsibility on this earth is, I know that I am responsible to nuture these choice Spirits, and I know that I am privledged to have them here and that they're (kind of) all mine.  I realized that every day, every week, every April and October (I could go on) I get to be inspired by some of the best parenting classes around.  Every principle I'm taught, little by little, utlimately makes me a better Mother. 

I also have my Mother-in-law, my sister-in-laws, my Grandmas, my aunts, my cousins and my friends.  If I could just gleen a little of the best parts from all these mothers . . . I'd almost have it figured out.  I do gleen and I do try and I do copy but I still haven't gotten it figured out.

So maybe I know a little bit about what I'm doing, but still, somedays I just know I'm hopeless.