Late Thanksgivings

I don't want to be a big complainer, but this is hard.  This is really hard.  It's not harder and it's not bigger than what other people have had to endure, but it's hard. 

There are a few things that I have been most thankful for -

First, I am so confident that I have a Heavenly Father that knows exactly what is happening.  I know that in so many different (and very specific) ways he prepared me (us) for this accident.  There is no denying that he protected me (and my family) during the crash.  And because I can see this so clearly, I know that he will continue with me, with Ansen, to the end.  He will be here to comfort me in the difficult moments and push me through the hard things.  

I am grateful that I understand that we are given trials in life to help us to grow, to make us better people.  I'm grateful for a Heavenly Father that loves me enough to create an opportunity that will help me become more.  I'm not quite sure of all that I will learn yet, but I am already confident that this is changing the direction of the path I was on in life.  And apparently I need a good 3-4 months to sit and think about it.  I know me.  A week or two would not do the job . . . I'd be back to the same routine, same path.   But I'm hoping that a good couple of months will do the trick and I think Heavenly Father is too. 

Second, I am married to an incredible guy.  I have no idea what I would do without him . . . now and forever.  He is so kind, so patient, so attentive, so understanding and so sympathetic.  I know that I am the one that is hurting, but it is Ansen who is doing all the work.  He gets everyone moving in the morning, he takes care of all my morning needs, heads off to a long day at work, walks into the commotion of homework, dinner, bedtime and me, then keeps the house running with nightly chores, more work and falls into bed exhausted every night.  He is working hard.  He loves me and I really love him.  I needed to be reminded of that I think.

And last, I realized in the hospital that if I had to begin the recovery process knowing that we had to send one of our children back to live in Heavenly Father in that crash, it would have made the recovery feel impossible. Even knowing what I know about eternal life, it would have felt like too much. I'm selfish I guess, but I want those three sweet spirits here on earth with me. I want to share every moment with them and I am so thankful that Heavenly Father let me keep them here for now.  I haven't appreciated enough that I get to be a mother. So, so thankful.